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  • Pellam Granville Earl of Rottingdean

    Pellam Granville Earl of Rottingdean Isle of White (Just Visiting)

    Dear Mr Swindler, Sir following our recent transaction, the bulk order of 2013 calendars you sold me. On close inspection 'The 2013 Myan Calendar' appears to be completely blank. Therefore please return my cheque at once, on second thoughts don't bother as it was post-dated Feb, 14 2013. Your humble and obedient servant P Granville (Earl)

    Dear Mr Swindler,
    Sir following our recent transaction, the bulk order of 2013 calendars you sold me. On close inspection 'The 2013 Myan Calendar' appears to be completely blank. Therefore please return my cheque at once, on second thoughts don't bother as it was post-dated Feb, 14 2013.
    Your humble and obedient servant P Granville (Earl)

  • Ivor Bindun

    Ivor Bindun Perth, Scotland

    I am not happy with the flight tickets you sold me! There i was looking forward to a nice hot sunny holiday in western Australia for 3 weeks, and at the wonderful price of £1000 return, it couldn't get any better. Until i step off the plane only to discover that i was in Perth, Scotland! This is not good enough and i demand a refund! I just hope these tickets to the moon are genuine.?

    I am not happy with the flight tickets you sold me! There i was looking forward to a nice hot sunny holiday in western Australia for 3 weeks, and at the wonderful price of £1000 return, it couldn't get any better. Until i step off the plane only to discover that i was in Perth, Scotland! This is not good enough and i demand a refund! I just hope these tickets to the moon are genuine.?

  • Mrs Penelope Bloomin-Ritch

    Mrs Penelope Bloomin-Ritch

    Dear Mr Swindler. I am contacting you regarding the phoniliquation treatment I recently recieved from Dr Hugo Von Munchousen. When I came round following the treatment I coudn't help noticing that all the furniture in my bedroom had been removed, including the gilded fire surround recently valued by Sotheby's at £60,000. Since my 'invigorating' treatment I havn't heard a peep from the good Doctor despite paying upfront for another 10 phoniliquations at £150 a throw. Do you have a private number for him as the one he gave me does not appear to exist!. (Speaking of 'The one he gave me' I also need to speak with Dr Munchousen on another matter urgently!!) Yours anxiously, Penelope Bloomin-Ritch.

    Dear Mr Swindler. I am contacting you regarding the phoniliquation treatment I recently recieved from Dr Hugo Von Munchousen. When I came round following the treatment I coudn't help noticing that all the furniture in my bedroom had been removed, including the gilded fire surround recently valued by Sotheby's at £60,000. Since my 'invigorating' treatment I havn't heard a peep from the good Doctor despite paying upfront for another 10 phoniliquations at £150 a throw. Do you have a private number for him as the one he gave me does not appear to exist!. (Speaking of 'The one he gave me' I also need to speak with Dr Munchousen on another matter urgently!!)
    Yours anxiously,
    Penelope Bloomin-Ritch.

  • mr stevens

    mr stevens number 37

    Two weeks mr swindler! 14 days!! now where is it!

    Two weeks mr swindler! 14 days!! now where is it!

  • Mr Kousa

    Mr Kousa M5 corridor

    Randy R.e. that little problem that so interfers with our business plans. Easily solved old boy. Will have the package with me next wednesday. What do you think old boy? Same time and place? And this time tell Mr N not to forget the shovel. M.

    Randy

    R.e. that little problem that so interfers with our business plans. Easily solved old boy. Will have the package with me next wednesday. What do you think old boy? Same time and place? And this time tell Mr N not to forget the shovel.

    M.

  • Cleotus Rumpbender

    Cleotus Rumpbender Weston Super Mare

    Randy, I have to say I am thoroughly disappointed. I got to the hospital only to find that the coupon you sold me wasn't valid for a new kidney at all !! I didn't want to waste it, the face value was much less so I redeemed it for a third ear. It has proved to be very useful, especially for listening your great music whilst ordering a drink at the bar with my back to you, but that said my drinking ability is still much to be desired due my lacking 'Acme-Swindler Kidney'. Thanks again you rotten bounder.

    Randy, I have to say I am thoroughly disappointed. I got to the hospital only to find that the coupon you sold me wasn't valid for a new kidney at all !! I didn't want to waste it, the face value was much less so I redeemed it for a third ear. It has proved to be very useful, especially for listening your great music whilst ordering a drink at the bar with my back to you, but that said my drinking ability is still much to be desired due my lacking 'Acme-Swindler Kidney'. Thanks again you rotten bounder.

  • Ms Lydia Bloomquist

    Ms Lydia Bloomquist Bath

    Dear Mr Swindler i am afraid that i do have to insist that you return my cheque for the payment i made to you for the purchase of two ancient, inscribed Greek stone tablets, dating from the late minoan period as described in your brochure. Upon reciept of the said artifacts i am doubtful to thier authenticity. On close examination i can clearly see that inscriptions seem to read - London and Common. I do not believe these are words of latin origin. I look forward to your reply.

    Dear Mr Swindler i am afraid that i do have to insist that you return my cheque for the payment i made to you for the purchase of two ancient, inscribed Greek stone tablets, dating from the late minoan period as described in your brochure. Upon reciept of the said artifacts i am doubtful to thier authenticity. On close examination i can clearly see that inscriptions seem to read - London and Common. I do not believe these are words of latin origin. I look forward to your reply.

  • Claude Asbury

    Claude Asbury H. Cooper & Sons Chemical Co. Ltd

    Mr Swindler Sir I am contacting you with regard to the out standing payment for Invoice 34599 for £174.38 Inc Vat. Mr Cooper said that he is fully aware for what you have done for him in the past, of which he is very grateful, however he can not let this one go and unless full payment is Presented by the end of the month, we have not alternative but to start legal proceedings. We look for receiving your payment by return Yours sincerely Claude Asbury Accounts department H. Cooper & Sons Chemical Co. Ltd

    Mr Swindler Sir

    I am contacting you with regard to the out standing payment for Invoice 34599 for £174.38 Inc Vat.
    Mr Cooper said that he is fully aware for what you have done for him in the past, of which he is very grateful, however he can not let this one go and unless full payment is Presented by the end of the month, we have not alternative but to start legal proceedings.

    We look for receiving your payment by return

    Yours sincerely
    Claude Asbury
    Accounts department
    H. Cooper & Sons Chemical Co. Ltd

  • Montigue

    Montigue Neesden Green

    Swindler, you utter bounder, you really have done me up like a kipper this time. If this gets out I’ll be completely ruined. I followed your instructions to the absolute letter and not so much as a sausage, not even a chipolata. BTW Thanks for the tip on the Johnsons, they will be signing up on Thursday Monty

    Swindler, you utter bounder, you really have done me up like a kipper this time. If this gets out I’ll be completely ruined. I followed your instructions to the absolute letter and not so much as a sausage, not even a chipolata.

    BTW Thanks for the tip on the Johnsons, they will be signing up on Thursday

    Monty

  • Minxie

    Minxie At home waiting !!!

    Darling Randolph, Terence will be out of town again on business this Thursday and Friday, I trust you will be taking full advantage of this situation. I will be waiting. Minxie

    Darling Randolph, Terence will be out of town again on business this Thursday and Friday, I trust you will be taking full advantage of this situation. I will be waiting. Minxie