WESTON-SUPER-MARE
2015 GENERAL ELECTION
‘THE GOLDEN FLEECE’ PARTY’
(Headquarters: 17A Shady Glade, George Town, Cayman Islands)
Vote ‘SWINDLER’
 Mr Randy Swindler
Your  LOCAL ‘Golden Fleece Party’ Candidate!
Our mottos:
‘LET’S BE HAVING YOU,’
‘YOUR ‘SAFE’ IN OUR HANDS’
‘VOTE NOW…PAY TOMORROW’
“Join us”
Party membership fees as follows-
 Registration fee. 100 guineas.
Annual subscription fee. 150 guineas.

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OUR MANIFESTO.
The Economy.
Our ‘Shadow Chancellor of The Exchequer’ to be Mr Lionel Blair Hutz the 3rd. (Presently of no fixed abode)
All Bank Of England gold reserves (£156 billion+), funds and bonds to be transferred to Golden Fleece Investments PLC (Registered Cayman Islands) to take advantage of ‘The Swindler Organisation’s’ unique and attractive Investment  opportunities.
All investments to be personally handled by Mr ‘Lucky’ Tom Champaign. (Formerly a financial advisor to ‘The Readers Digest’.)
Threadneedle street offices to be sold to ‘Bet Fred’. These to be converted into a new casino complex and indoor greyhound racing track.
Amnesty for ‘Tax Exiles’.   Bringing them ‘back into the fold with our ‘Golden Fleece, “Welcome home”, Handshake’ . (Let’s face it- they are all entrepreneurs- and our country needs them!)
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Pensions.
All pension portfolios to be ‘safeguarded’ by placing them in our secure Keynsham ‘Pensions Warehouse’  Here they will be sensibly and reliably invested using the Swindler ‘Infra Draw Method’ (1st popularised by  an early ‘Golden Fleece’ party member - Sir Horace Batchelor)
For further information on pensions please read the Sir Hugo Von Munchousen ‘Euthanasia and Cryogenic Solutions’ Brochure.
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Health
Shadow minister for Health ‘Dr Hugo Von Munchousen.’
Sir Hugo will abolish the NHS and replace it with the revolutionary Hugo Von Munchousen ‘Self Diagnosis and DIY Home Treatment System’.
 Instruction manual and details of courses that teach the ‘Munchousen DIY Medicare Method’ to be sent to all households in the UK.  (price £100)
All hospital and medical premises will be modified to cater for the new DIY system.
Dr Hugo’s Seminal tome on DIY Dentistry is also available for a further £25.
 
DRUGS!
From now on all recreational drugs to be de-criminalised and made readily  available from post office counters throughout the UK!
Only government prescribed doses  to be made available and fees for drugs to be paid directly into the ‘Swindler Infra -Draw lottery fund’
Scheme to be overseen by medical  ‘experts’ Dr Hugo Von Munchousen and Sir Keith Richards.
 
 
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Education.
All schools to be brought under central government control.
PTA groups and any other ‘meddlers’ to be banned. All future school funding to be directly paid for by parents into the central government coffers, and fees to be based on value of parent’s car.
‘Conkers’ to be re- introduced to all school playgrounds. Also a variety of contact sports including ‘gut barging’ and ‘sumo wrestling’ for the clinically obese.
All exams to be abolished and replaced with ‘The Apprentice’ system of ‘whoever makes the most money during term time goes to the top of the class.’ (Thus encouraging future entrepreneurs and investing in the vital financial future of our Nation)
Introducing casinos and scratch cards (in conjunction with ‘Bet Fred’) to primary school children. (To encourage numeracy and ‘responsible gambling’)
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Housing
‘Help to rent’ initiative.( A direct subsidy to be paid immediately to cash strapped landlords) This to be overseen by Sir Fergus Wilson and Dame ‘Dolly’ Rackman.
‘HELP TO BUY’
1st time buyers  to be offered ‘Time share’ Prefabricated apartments. Designed by ‘Norman Nutcrusher Developments Inc.’ utilising redundant lorry containers and tailored for people who are prepared to share with others who also are prepared to work during ‘anti-social’ hours.
These to be built on ‘brownfield’ sites throughout the country. Initial down payments and mortgage payments to be made to central government via the ‘Swindler’ Easy Payment
Scheme, underwritten by the ‘Munchousen Swiss Bank Development corporation’ (Based in Zurich.)
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Devolution.
Scott’s are notorious skinflints, as we all know!  So, ‘The Golden Fleece Party’ says -  ‘Now we have had most of the money you can have the rest! That should please them! (This will be more than outweighed by their ‘deep fried, mars bar eating’, ‘Buckfast, tonic wine swilling’ population no longer being a burden on our health care system!
Borders are all to be closed  and Hadrians wall to be extended in height and wall to be regularly policed. (Thus creating much valued employment in Northern districts)
Tolls to be levied on any Scots trying to enter our country.
Similarly, Wales to become an independent nation and similar restrictions and tolls to be enforced!
 
Environmental Tax.
A new ‘Rainfall Tax’ to be levied on all people. This to be based on acreage of land owned.For far too long people have taken for granted the ‘free’ water that falls on their land each year. This will raise conservation awareness and generate billions of pounds in revenue. £1.00 per litre of rainfall 
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Energy.
FRACKING.
Minister for Fracking – Sir Charles Snuffles.
Why should big business keep all the proceeds?
DIY ‘Fracking kits’ to be made available to all UK households
(Kits include –drilling rig/dynamite/20 tonnes sand/and high pressure water pump)
National grid to be augmented using Sir Charles’ own recycled piping network.
Solar energy.
DIY Solar energy system.  Designed by the extraordinary  engineer/entrepreneur  Sir Frederick ‘Sparky’ Dibner, this unique system employs 100 used car batteries than can be set up on your front lawn, cunningly disguised as a beautifully designed art deco raised flower border. These will be connected to the 30 cast iron, recycled central heating radiators that will be placed on your roof. Should the roof suffer a partial or complete collapse under this weight then the insurance policy that you will have taken out with the Government nominated ‘Swindlers Catastrophic Roofing Collapse Solutions PLC’, as part of this unique package, will come into play.  No more need for Nuclear Power Stations, just more ‘Micro Energy’ the Green Golden Fleece Way!
 
Bankers!
Fed up with Bankers getting all the spoils!?
 Bank CEO’s and others worthy of massive payouts to be paid in future with ‘Bankers Vouchers’ only!
These to be redeemable at all ‘Smith and Wesson’ Gunsmiths and at all ‘Swindler ‘Bagsafe’ Country Shoots’,  golf courses and Cynthia Payne massage parlours  throughout the UK!  Either that or by using the ‘Swindler Country Estate Transferrable Assets Option’.
Payments can be made ‘In Kind’. For instance the recent reasonable annual bonus payment to Tom Champaign of ‘Swindler International Banking PLC’ of 12 million pounds could easily have been redeemed, using the ‘In Kind’ system, for 1 million brace of Pheasants! 30 years massage in one of Cynthia’s Parlours, or indeed, a 500 acre estate in North Wales!
 
 
Global Warming.
(Coupled with GLOBAL NUCLEAR DISARMAMENT!)
The Golden Fleece party has come up with the definitive solution to Global Warming and also Global nuclear disarmament!
How?
Simple. By putting the Moon into a Geo-stationary orbit, (similar to a ‘Sky’ Satellite) This to be achieved by strategically placing and detonating all the worlds’ nuclear devices on the Moon’s surface. The result would be to put the Earth in a state of (adjustable) semi eclipse. Not only would this sort out the ‘Warming’ problem, but also eliminate ‘Tides’ and the threat of nuclear war altogether!  Genius? – We think so!
To help pay for research into this revolutionary new idea please send cheques/cash directly to myself and I will ensure that the funds are passed on to my Shadow Minister for The Environment, Sir Charles Snuffles.
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LOCAL ISSUES. (Weston Super Mare)
BIRNBECK PIER.
Birnbeck Pier, the brainchild of Eugenius Birch, which has linked Weston Super Mare to Birnbeck Island since it opened in 1867 is now in a perilous state of disrepair! Private investors and local government have betrayed the vision of the original architect and also failed to exploit the stunning potential of this unique edifice. The Golden Fleece Party have come up with the perfect solution to preserving this historic site and also for funding the future development of the Pier and Island.
The ‘key’ word here is ‘Island’. For we suggest that Birnbeck Island become the country’s 1st formal ‘Tax Haven’. It is here that UK tax exiles from all over the world can flock and manage their huge financial resources, whilst only being a few meters from one of the ‘key’ towns in ‘Mainland England’.

 THE TROPICANA.
“The ‘Art Deco’ swimming pool to be re-instated complete with ‘iconic’ Diving platforms. The funding for the re-instatement to be raised by the following methods :-
The building will  be rented out to Weston Town Council as the new location of the town’s principle ‘benefits office and payment center’.
The pool’s perimeter is also to serve as an all weather greyhound racing track and the pool’s frontage to ‘boast’ 50 Scratch card dispensers and 100 ‘One Armed Bandits’. Also National Lottery ticket outlet.
A subterranean ‘Super Casino’ is to be situated in the new ‘Under Pool Annexe’
Also featuring -  ‘Bargain Booze Basement Bonanza!
So , basically , having drawn your benefits, time for a little ‘flutter’ and an invigorating swim in the super new unheated outdoor pool.”
Surely this admirable suggestion should have been considered for inclusion in Banks’s ‘thought provoking’ exhibition?
For more information check out  www.therandyswindlers.com

 
Summary. 
Basically, ‘The Golden Fleece Party’ is a party that ‘takes no prisoners’, and believe me, I know what it’s like to be a ‘prisoner’!
Let us into your homes and hearts (especially – your homes,) and let us ‘sort you out’!
I look forward to your vote on the 7th May 2015 and especially to receiving your membership and registration fees as previously noted.
Remember.
YOUR ‘SAFE’, IN OUR HANDS!
Yours most sincerely,
Randy Swindler
 
PS. Coming soon!  A Party Political Broadcast on behalf of ‘The Golden Fleece Party. Featuring Randy Swindler speaking from the bosom of his constituency.
Available soon on U Tube and www.therandyswindlers.com